


What if ?

by ArrowHead74



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowHead74/pseuds/ArrowHead74
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That day, I knew my life wouldn't be banal or simple anymore. Never. Finally I've given a real meaning to my life and if it meant putting my own life in danger, in order to help Oliver and in order to retablish the justice ? Well, I would do it without any hesitation. For this city. And for Oliver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 : 

Sometimes, life can be full of suprises. One day, you are Felicity Smoak, a young girl employed in the computer department of a company, a large company, the « Queen Consolidated » company. Unless proven otherwise,you live your life like any normal person : you get to your work in the morning, you sit at your desk and start doing what you're paid for. Then ? Then you spend you entire day between your many screens and your keyboard, you spend you entire day answering questions and requests from the Queen Consolidated employees.

Nothing unusual you would say. Oh yes ! Incidentally, and in addition to my passion for electronics and computers, I've developped a kind of super powers in this area, super powers which are perfectly legals of course. Well, if the hacking is considered as a legel activity ...But that's not the point. Because the real issue here is how your life can change from one moment to the next, from one minute to the next. This is what happened with Oliver and ... the rest of it.

Since several months, I was doing some research for Mr. Queen, well, unusual research. Anti hangover drink that proved to be the drug that was called Vertigo, recovering the contents of a hard disk, which the laptop reminded me one of these targets in a club shot rather than a real computer. And then "The Hood." This famous vigilante that everyone was talking about, constantly, who was gradually restoring justice in the city, arresting the men who were destroying Starling City.

I'm blond, it is a fact , but not one of those who can pass the physical evidence before them without flinching . And even though I had doubts about Oliver , I had three options. 1 ) Accusing one of the richest and most prominent men of the city to be The Hood . With that, provide evidence to the police that I had used any illegal ways which may exist to help him . And accusing me of being at the same time , how do you call it again? Oh yes, a partner ... 2) I couldn't say anything , keep helping him , pretending to have no suspicion of anything and keep doing what I was doing since so many years: using all the competences acquired in data processing so that I could, I hope so, helping with a cause much better than that achieved by an employee in a computer department.

And this is not an option, but rather an observation: Accusing Oliver of being The Hood would be me surely return to unemployment. In the best of cases.

But as I said, life offers you more surprises. I realized it the day I found Oliver in the back seat of my car. Well, no, the day I found 'The Hood "on the back seat of my car, new ucar I might add. Car that I should return one day or another to the rental company. Obviously. I still wonder how I can justify the blood stains on the leather seats. Why not a "I welcome The Hood, the most wanted man in the city on the back seat, but as he was going to bleed to death, I had to drive him to his secret cave you know like ... Batman ... Thank you for the rental, have a good day "I doubt that this kind of answer is appropriate enough. Or maybe it is. And ten minutes later, I'll be in a police van, surrounded by heavily armed men. Good idea.

That day, I knew my life won't be common or simple. Never. I finally gave real meaning to my life and if it meant putting my own life in danger, through all legal barriers to an end just when I thought I would. Oliver. For this city. And finally give a proper value to the word "justice." Months have passed. The events also, more or less serious, if we can just call "serious" the destruction of the Glades. Diggle and I had convinced Oliver to come back to Starling City, and better yet, to endorse his new suit again. Because this is the role of a teammate, right? Yes, but things are not so simple.

« Felicity, don't do that ! Stary with me, do you hear me ? »

I didn't understand what was happening. Among all the memories and thoughts that roamed my mind , I suddenly could hear the distant voice of Oliver. When I opened my eyes , I realized that I was not in one of his strange dreams but in reality. The first thing I saw was the white ceiling of the Queen Consolidated and second , Oliver 's face leaning over me. He had this worried expression on his face, like every time something bad happened .. Third , it was the pain that came almost at the same time as my conscience. A confusing pain that spread throughout my chest , up my arm , preventing me from even saying a word. In my awareness, I had not noticed that Oliver's hand was pressed against the top of my chest. When I realized that , I suddenly remembered what happened few minutes earlier. I closed my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Felicity's point of view : 

As far as I could remember, everything happened in a very fast way. We were all confined in the meeting room, Oliver, Diggle and me, playing my role of Oliver Queen's secratary to perfection. I was listening to Isabel Rochev, who was also confined in a tight red dress, trying to prove to Oliver that she'll take control of the Consolidated. And then everything moved on. First of all, all the strange noises in the hall, then the glass doors of the meeting room broken and a second later, three men was in front of us, wearing almost the same suit as Oliver. Although, if you want my opinion, only Oliver could wear this costume...the way he does. I remember exchanging a glancewith Oliver, who, unlike me, seemed surprisingly quiet and I'm not saying that only because I was completely panicked.

A few seconds later , I found myself almost lying under the table, unable to move , while the bullets were flying all around the room. I distinguished Oliver catching Isabel and putting her safely in the adjacent room. And without I could understand how and where, I found myself, few seconds later, in Oliver's arms, while Diggle was screaming something at us. I think that I did'nt really expect what would happen next. Although, when I thought about it, it was almost obvious that Oliver would find a way to get us out of here, I mean, a unusual way : the window. And yes, one day, I accept, with all my regret, to hold on to Oliver to pass over an empty elevator but I didn't way to retry the experiment a second time ! Not again ! I don't remember what happened after we had landed among the broken glass, a few floors below the one where we are only few minutes earlier. I just remember that Oliver looked at me, to make sure I was fine. I remember him helping me to get up and then...it's precisely at this point that things became complicated. As I was trying to straighten up, I was suddenly axare of a pain, a dull ache, which seemed to oppresse my whole chest. The first thing I thought was that the pain was due to the shock, nothing more. I passed my hand over my shoulder and touched something wet and unusually warm. « Oliver... » I saw him turn his gaze to me and what I saw on his face was confirming what I already knew. He rushed up to me and forced me to lay down. I vaguely remember that he kept telling me that everything will be fine. « Oliver... Have I already mentioned that I hate blood ? Actually, I'm completely panicked when I see some blood like, you know...all those people who just...faint when they're bleeding but I've never fainted when... » « -Felicity, stay calm and don't tire yourself ». he ordered me as his hand were already crushing my chest. The last thing I remember was the sound of Oliver who walked away from me. I heard him screaming Diggle's name.

"Felicity, open your eyes! "

I heard Oliver's voice from far, far away. But I knew that I had to do what he asked me. I guess I had closed my eyes a few seconds or a few minutes. I do not know. Keeping my eyes open seemed more difficult than I thought. Anyway, when I opened them, I saw Diggle enter in the room. I heard his heavy footsteps rushing to Oliver and me. Concerning Oliver, he was watching at me, with this worried glance and I think that I'd never see this kind of expression on Oliver's face. Not this way. I thought that this look I had in front of me was more than just concern. I could almost hear his thoughts and I knew that this look there was definitely the look he wore on Tommy when Oliver found him. I could not make him relive it, not yet.

"Diggle, the car, now !"

His tone was irrevocable and while the heavy footsteps of Diggle were resonating in the room, Oliver ran his hand under my neck and lifted me as gently as possible . His steps were quick and at the same time, I was forcing myself to keep my eyes fixed on the face of Oliver. I heard the door of the limo opened. Within few seconds , I found myself lying on the back seat . I vaguely heard the door closed and then another opening.. Oliver was at my side , her hand covered with blood, still on my chest. He looked at me with that look which said "Everything will be fine , trust me ." And even if I could not answer , I wanted to tell him that I trusted him , no matter what was happening . " Diggle , the hospital now ! Quickly , " he barked .

My eyes were closing and the more time passed, the more I had the feeling that I won't be able to open them again " Felicity , stay with me , stay with me , everything will be alright " When I closed my eyes , the last thing I heard was the frenetic cries of Oliver calling my name.

I have only vague memories of what happened next . I remember the crash of the limousine , the sound of doors opening , Diggle's voice who told Oliver that he was was looking for some help . I guess that Oliver didn't want to wait . I know it because I felt the embrace of Oliver squeezed my arm as if his life depended on it. I remember the cries of Oliver, the pain I felt when he laid me against a stretcher. I remember all the questions the doctors asked me. I couldn't answer. The last thing I saw was Diggle preventing Oliver through the doors that only doctors and I had the right to cross . Then it was the black hole.

Oliver's point of view :

Some people say that it is when you lose something , someone, that you realize how important it was for you. It is exactly this kind of feeling that I was confronted to, for days now. And for the first time in my entire life. I know what you're thinking : I 've lost many things : Sara , my father, laurel's confidence , Tommy ... Not that I am not affected by this, do not get me wrong, but these losses have only build one thing : " The Hood ," "The Vigilante ", " The new Oliver Queen ". You can call it as you want. But today things are different. Because today , I had this horrible feeling inside of me : in my wish to save Starling City, I taking away all the people I wanted with me. And the more I thought about it , the less I could tolerate it . I HAD decided to become The Hood , but what about them ? They don't had nothing to do with that and I didn't have the right to make them pay my choices or my mistakes.

Felicity enters precisely in this case. After all, she had asked for nothing and if I was not involved in her life, she would still be doing what she was doing before : working for my father's company. And nothing else. No secret work. No risk to his own life. No arrest, which would push her to reveal the identity of the vigilante. NOTHING. Instead, I was there to turn around in this room, in the mere hope she would wake up. As if she had heard these thoughts, the same incessant beep rang in my ears for days began to change. I turned my head and approached the bed while Felicity's eyes began to open.


	3. Chapter 3

It was as if I was walking through a thick fog that seemed to stretch to infinity. There were no other presences around me, not one. Strangely calm. I am saying this because it was nearly creepy. I didn't imagine Paradise like this. But if this is Paradise, then... this must signify without a doubt that we have lied on me a lot. There were no angels. Not judgment. Neither flames nor high clouds. Just… nothing but silence. Ridiculous.

But all that didn't remain. Because now, the fog disappears and at the same time I am regaining my consciousness, bit by bit. I didn't immediately understand where I was. The first thing I could distinguish was the four poster bed I was currently lying on and the mass of blankets I was under. Not the hospital though. That is the first good news. I slowly turned my head to the side, far enough to see that a plastic tube was attached to my arm. The far end of the tube was connected to some sort of plastic bag also containing a clear liquid.

Once my eyes get used to the surroundings, I could distinguish Oliver. He was standing in front of the window, his eyes looking into the emptiness. He looked…different than usual. Not the Oliver Queen I am used to see. No suit, no bowtie and certainly not his green leather costume. He wore a grey t-shirt, way too big for him if you ask me, and jogging pants, low on his hips. He wasn't even shaved, and the last time he did must have been several days. I was trying to move without him noticing but when he heard the noise, he turned and walked over with a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. My mouth was dry, so I swallowed a couple of times before I could say something. I raised my eyes to meet Oliver's , who remained silent, like he thought saying a word might confuse me.

\- Am I in Paradise this time? I asked him.

That drew a small smile on his face but he still didn't respond.

\- No, because if it was the case, I won't be there.

\- Well , I suppose we have a different point of view then, I say softly.

When I started to think about what I just said, I felt my cheeks redden and I turned my eyes away. I put a hand on my shoulder and my fingers feel thick bandages draped around my shoulder and they reach to my ribs. I grimaced. Oliver brought a chair to the side of the bed and seated next to me. All of that without taking his eyes off me.

\- How do you feel? He asks me very seriously, as he placed his hand softly on my arm.

How do I feel? I don't know. To tell you the truth, I don't remember a thing that must have happened. I only have the impression I have slept for a long time, too long. I wanted to say 'ridiculous' to him, but I didn't, feeling that he won't find it as amusing as me.

\- I am doing okay Oliver, really. I still have no idea what happened, nor how long I have been unconscious, but I am okay. It is true, I insisted.

Oliver put his hand in his back pocket and took out a small object, something pointy that is made of metal.

-If this bullet had been a bit higher, you would have been dead Felicity. You wouldn't still be here.

A bullet? Why don't I have any memories about that? The only thing I know now is that Oliver passed a couple of hours feeling guilty. As always.

-Oliver, this is not your fault okay? And I am still here, so…

Now I really wanted to close my eyes because I know what kind of regard I will get from Oliver. While closing my eyes, I noticed that I wasn't wearing one of those terrible hospital gowns, but a long shirt and a pair of shorts that seem to be made of flannel and beneath… I was wearing underwear, and obviously not my own. What kind of things is this? If I was wearing this, then it seems they have undressed me and that means, at a certain time that I was…naked, Okay. That is embarrassing.

\- Thea changed your clothes. He precised me. Well done Felicity. First on the list is being discreet. Even if they are just thoughts.

« Her aversion for fashion I assume. »

Or just the only thing you can do when you're confined in your own house; Thea said, with a smile as she enters the room. « Great to have you back Felicity! »

I have never really had time to talk to Thea, because of the simple reason that I prefer to be discreet and not risk that I will start to babble. I will probably say something like « Yes, I work with your brother, but nothing illegal or weird of course! Nothing but IT work, legal... of course » And that is the reason I like to keep my distance, to avoid these kind of embarrassing situations.

« Now you are awake, it may be a great idea if Oliver leaves the room to take a shower for a change! You know, that was a bit of a problem with the hospital. He obstinately refused to leave your room…so he found another way to guard you. He brought you to our house. »

\- Thea…

Oliver turned to Thea with a look in his eyes that meant « shut up! » But Thea just gave him a smile. And I? Well, I was lying there listening to the banter between Thea and Oliver.

\- « Thea »… he said, « why aren't you at the Verdant? I am certain there is enough work to do there. »

\- You know what Oliver? That is a great idea! I leave you two alone.

Oliver smiled, without a doubt content that he made her leave. After I gave a small wave with my hand, I see Thea disappear in the corridor of the manor. While trying to get up, I feel pain spread through my body and settle in my chest. I grit my teeth and at the same time making sure Oliver does not notice. It is useless to think that he will not notice.

« Slowly » he advised me and I feel pain spread through my back. I feel tears spilling form my eyes and at the same time the pain hits me. « No sudden movements »

« - How long have I been here? » I asked him, ignoring the pain.

« - Nearly a week. »

A week? A week? Hoe is that even possible? I had the impression that I was out for a couple of hours. This news gave me quite a shock. I have to go. Now. I do not want to stay here, close to the Queens, I don't want to use their time. No. Even though I would really like to stay close to Oliver… Why am I thinking that? The shock, it has to be to shock. I get seated and again, try to get up. But when I feel my head spinning I think it is not going to be as simple as I thought. And Oliver…

« - Felicity, what are you doing?! »

« - I have to leave Oliver, I don't want to stay here, I have already been a burden for your time, I…I want to go home. »

« - You are in no condition to leave. You are not leaving »

I gave him a look that meant « I do what I want. » Childish, yes.

« I am fine , okay? »

Instead of giving up, Oliver put himself in front of me so I couldn't move and trapped me when he put his hand on my only good shoulder, forcing me to look at him.

« You are doing okay because of the painkillers they have injected from the beginning of this week, so it has been a week since you are doing better. In a couple of hours, that won't be the case anymore. So you stay. That is not negotiable, he told me with a stern smile. »

Have I told you about that look of his that he uses sometimes? It is not important how you feel when he gives you the look, but when he does, you can't do anything about it. Nothing. I nodded, wiping a stray tear that threatened to spill away with the corner of my sleeve. Oliver knelt before me and took my head in his hands.

« - Hey...you can do this okay? We are going to do this together. Is that okay? »

I put my head up and didn't say anything about how close Oliver and I were. It was...strange to say the least. Of course he will always be there when I need him, but not in that way. He also noticed because he put some distance between us by asking if I wanted to eat something. My reply was a short no. The only thing I felt like doing right now was going to bed, clearing my head and even better, taking a shower.

« - Do I have at least the permission to take a shower, you know, to... wash and do whatever girls do when they weren't able to shower in days »

With a smile, he replied a simple « No » I responded that I really wanted to wash my hair. I saw him smile. Like the first thing you do when you regain consciousness is wash your hair. Yes, but it is like that. I felt dirty and terribly ridiculous. I saw him smile and leave the place without telling me to stay put.

He came back a couple minutes later. He approached the bed without saying a word , put the blankets away under which he put me a couple minutes ago, and put one of his hands under my knees.

« Hold on to me. »

I smiled because of the crazy situation. It made me think of another. I put my good arm over his shoulder and smiled.

« It's gonna hurt » he warned me.

When he lifted me I felt like someone was ripping me apart from the inside. Once again I grit my teeth and grabbed hold of Oliver's neck. It didn't seem to be heavy for him. The only thing he seemed to be occupied with was my well being. I didn't immediately understand where he was taking me. But I understood fast enough when he walked through the door of the bathroom. A chair was put in the immense bathtub. A chair? Oliver put me down on the chair but didn't let go of me until he was certain I was comfortable.

« Oliver, can you please tell me what's happening? »

« -You wanted to wash your hair right? And besides that, your bandages have to be replaced. I'm gonna help you. Call me when you are ready, okay? I will busy myself with...the bandages »

Help me? This situation made me feel pretty uncomfortable. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. I tried to lift my arm to remove my shirt and at the same time Oliver discreetly left the room. I suppose I already knew that doing this myself was a bit too early. Even removing a simple t-shirt seemed like an impossible task. I had to stifle a small cry of pain when I put my hand behind my back.

I will help you, just lean, okay? It is not going to take long.

Usually I would have tried to prove that I was able to do this myself, but this time, it was not the case. I gritted my teeth and at the same time I bent down. I felt Oliver's hands put my arm trough the armhole and he started to remove my shirt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for your support, I really hope you'll like this new chapter :D

Chapter 4

Oliver's movements were soft, cautious. He watched his movements, afraid of hurting me for sure. All of this seemed.. strange. All of my life, I have managed on my own, well, nearly. I come from this kind of family where you need to be able to take care of yourself above all. Not because my parents didn't care for me, don't get me wrong, but simply because they weren't always at home. Work. Things to do. Meeting with friends. It doesn't matter but they weren't always there. And in moments like that, you don't have a choice. You need to be able to take care of yourself. When I grew up, things didn't really get better. I have always been the same person : the one who managed alone, the one who didn't depend on anybody. And being in this kind of situation with Oliver, and precisely because it was Oliver, made me feel uncomfortable. At the same time, Oliver

As Oliver was slowly taking off my shirt, I looked at the bandage around my shoulder that I just discovered. Thick, it seemed to cover my all chest and although every little movements I made were painful, I couldn't imagine what it looked like. It is certainly not a pretty sight to see if you want my opinion...Oliver's hand on my shoulder shook me out of my thoughts.

\- Done. Are you okay? he asked me;

I shook my head without saying a word. I heard him moved and I saw him grabbing a towel and a bathrobe from a cupboard near to my side, without looking at me. Good. At least, I wasn't the only one who felt uncomfortable. Even though the idea of standing in underwear wasn't really a problem, but being like that, standing in front of him like that, wasn't just strange but also terribly embarrassing.

At least, now I knew that the current situation was quite embarassing for him too... Looking down in order to see my chest, I brought my good hand to my bandage and started to remove the small hooks which held my bandage together. « Do not throw up. Felicity, do not throw up » I tried to convince myself. This was probably not a good idea. At this moment, I needed to see what the skin under that bandage looked like and at the same time I could maybe remember something. I almost managed to get the first hook undone when Oliver's hand covered mine.

\- No. Don't do that, he said to me.

\- I just want to see what it looks like Oliver, that's all. And I promise not to throw up!

He responded with a smile, added something like « Too soon ». So I gave up. Why did I even try? I wasted my time trying to persuade him to let me do it. Removing his hand softly, Oliver asked me if I needed anything else. I murmured a faint because at that moment I felt tears pouring out of my eyes and worst of all, I felt utterly ridiculous. Feeling ridiculous is a state in which I didn't even know if I had to laugh or cry. Some people would say to me that I should be happy to be alive, that it was the only thing that mattered. They may be right about that. I don't know. The only thing I knew was that, I didn't like the things I currently felt, in this kind of situation where I'm alive without even knowing what really happened that day. A situation where I found myseld in the Queen manor, where Oliver was taking care of me, something he has never done before. Too much new things I guess.

I waited until he leaves so that I can wash my hair. With one hand. That's it. That task was surely way more complicated that I thought. Why huh ? Well, because 1) raising my left arm was totally impossible and 2) managing to untangle and wash my hair, who resembled more of a birds nest than hair was difficult. Very difficult. I managed the first part, and put all my attention to my left arm. Before he left, Oliver told me to make sure that the bandage doesn't get wet. That's easier said than done. And if things go the way the were going, I'll have to be content with soapy but not yet rinsed hair. Genius. Bravo Felicity ! I don't really know how to do this, how I'll be able to do this. I'm not crazy enough to raise my left arm. The only thing I know is that I understand my mistake when I felt the same pain I felt few minutes before that. Stifling a cry of pain, I dropped the shower head in the bathtub without being able to grab hold of it. Feeling the tears, I put my hands on my face and prayed at the same time that Oliver wouldn't hear. I already felt ridiculous without that. Unable to take the advantage. But as always, I was mistaken. I thought Oliver stood close to the door when I tried to wash my hair, because I saw him open the door and walk up to me. I raise my head and I felt his hand on my shoulder, probably a way to tell me that everything will be okay, that he was here for me. As always.

\- Let me help you, he simply said.

Do I have a choice? No. I suppose not. Even if I would have loved to prove him that I didn't need help. Proving him that I can manage on my own. As always. But that was wrong. I knew I couldn't and he certainly did know that too. Oliver took the shower head out of the bathtub and started to rinse my hair. Me ? I don't know. I was to confused to think, I was busy keeping perfectly still. Placing his hand on my head to create a sort of barrier, he let the water flow over the back of my head as softly as possible before closing the tap. He took the ends of my hair in his hand and wrung it out. Out of the corner of an eye, I saw him grab a bathrobe and put it on my shoulders.

\- Finished; he said

\- Thanks, I responded softly, paying a lot of attention to the sound of my own voice. I was close to tears again and crying was the last thing I wanted. Why? Because I already asked him too much. Because he spent a lot of time guarding me when I was…unconscious. Because he already has to deal with so many things.

-Everything will be okay Felicity, trust me; he told me and softly put his hand on my shoulder.

How the hell is he always able to read my thoughts?! And how is he still able to not understand why I trust him so much? I nodded, not capable to respond. With one hand I closed the bathrobe around my chest. Oliver stood to my side, sitting on his knees so that he is level with me so that I can hold onto his chest.

\- I want to walk, I said with the last bit of dignity I can muster. « I am wounded, not handicapped », I told him with a smile. « Just help me get out of this » I added. He does so, helping me out of the bathtub. Standing on my own legs felt strange, like they didn't work. I put one foot in front of the other, under the careful supervision of Oliver, who simply put one arm around my waist. I didn't object to this. I was unable to pretend I felt good enough to run a marathon and lie to myself that his presence didn't reassure me. When we walked past Thea's chamber, he guided me to the bed where I lay down. He started to put the blankets over me, so that I was comfortable. I put my head to the pillow and I couldn't help the grimace of pain.

-Since how long are you doing this? I asked him suddenly.

\- Do what? Washing your hair? He replies with a smile on his face without a doubt.

-No, I respond with a smile. Guarding me like you do, I said half serious.

-Why do you ask this question?

I hate that way of him evading the question each time I hit a sensitive subject.

-Oliver, I am doing fine, okay? It's just…the repercussions. You are not obliged to do this. There are other more important things. Your mother. Your father's company, this city. They need you.

Oliver didn't respond, he moved around trying to find who knows what in one of the cupboards of the room. Good. Even if I wanted a response I didn't think I would get it that easily. But what I was thinking about didn't reassure me. And now I get the « I ask a question and I get no response » thing, I tried to get the conversation moving again. A conversation that was more of a monologue, it didn't even fit the definition of a conversation.

-You are not going to give me an answer, right?

-What are you talking about? He asked me while walking toward the bed with a bottle of water in one and a bottle of medicine in the other hand.

-You perfectly know what I'm talking about !

He sighed. Won.

-You are here because of me. I told you, this shouldn't have happened. And it won't happen again.

-Perhaps. But I am still here. And if you don't do anything, it will happen again. Perhaps not me, but someone else. You CAN'T just give up ! And as I recall I work for your other personality and I really need the job; I said to him with a tone of irony.

-I will not argue with you about this, Felicity! Not this evening, he added with a smile.

I sighed and decided to drop the subject for this evening. Oliver: 1 point, Felicity: 0.

-What's that for? I asked him and look at the medicine in my hand.

-That works against the pain and will help you to sleep, he said.

I didn't even try to argue and I took the pill and the bottle of water he gave me. A couple of minutes after I took it, I felt my head spinning and my eyes threatening to close. It happens faster than I thought. Oliver smiled at me and put a hand on my arm;

-Don't worry, I'll be right there.

Of course he will be close by. As always. I could hear the voice of Oliver saying something else, something I coudn't understand. My eyes closed right after that.

Oliver's point of view:

I sat on one of the leather couches in the room, I was watching Felicity sleep and I thought about the conversation she engaged in. Since the accident, I put the vigilante to the side and did the same with my Oliver Queen persona. I have passed my time between those four walls, watching over her, thinking about all the mistakes I have made and thinking about what I'll do when she wakes up. And to be completely honest, I still don't know. But I know she is right. Again. I know that I can't stay here forever, escaping every responsibility I have to face. Without Felicity, things are strange and…useless. Before, there were the long hours waiting for her to open her eyes, waking up and...now. The more I look at her and the more I think about the danger I have put her in, everyday it gets worse. And I think about the strange way I care for her. To tell the truth, I don't know what to think because she is different, different than the others. Our relationship is important. I get pulled out of my thoughts when I hear Felicity's wheezing breath. I get up from the couch and I softly walk to the bed. She trashed around bathed in sweat and moaning softly, like she wanted to protect herself from something. I decided to wake her up. I sat next to her and softly grabbed both of her shoulders.

-Felicity? Wake up! Everything is all right!

She was without a doubt unable to hear me because she fought against my arms and tried to get away from my hold on her shoulders.

-Felicity!

When she came to herself again, instead of being reassured as I thought, she still tried to get away from me. I let her go, surprised, and I see that she puts herself to the headboard of the bed and knocked the glass of water over that stood on the table next to her. At the same time, she tried to find shelter in a corner with her head between her knees. It took several seconds for me to react because I didn't understand what just happened. I walked around the bed and sat next to her without touching her;

-Felicity? Can you hear me?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, new chapter ! Please let me know what you think :)

Oliver's point of view:

I didn't know if I had to be surprised or worried, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Felicity, I wasn't capable of doing anything. Not capable of doing or saying something. Even though I lead a double life, one I live during the night, I still didn't know what to do. But I kept observing her, the way she had put her head between her knees, without a doubt to protect herself, and the way she was shivering all over. And do you want to know the truth? I hated the fact that I got her into this. Because I knew too well what was happening right now. I have lived it. And while I watched her, I felt like I went back a couple of months when I went back to Starling City after 5 years on a deserted island. It wasn't just going back and pretend everything was okay when I found my way home. No. It isn't the same as it used to be. Definitely not. You have nightmares, you relive the same moments every time and you try everything to get the memories out of your head. And I don't want her to live like that.

While observing Felicity, I hear the soft footfalls of Thea, walking through the corridor and softly pushing the door open. She must have heard the glass breaking. I didn't even notice she came back home. I turn my head to see her in the corner of my eye. She stood in front of the door, looking like she hurried to reach the chamber. She stood there, looking worried. After that, I brought back all my attention to Felicity. Thea walks closer to me and Felicity, but I stop her with a gesture of my hand.

-Oliver...What happened? Is…Is everything all right?

Still facing Felicity, I thought about how to respond.

-Thea..Can you go get a glass of water? Please.

She didn't ask anything else and I hear her walking through the corridor. And Felicity, well, nothing changed. She didn't hear me, probably lost between two memories. Hesitating for a moment, I ended up putting my hand on her shoulder.

-Felicity? Hey!

The pressure of my hand on her shoulder had the same effect as an electric shock. She jumped up and at the same time put her head up. Her eyes found mine in an instant ,in them, I could see the fear and the powerlessness that she felt. Without thinking, I take her hands in mine, squeezing them harder than necessary. I wanted to say something to her, but I couldn't seem to find the right words. Telling her that everything will be okay, or telling her that I know what she is going through, or telling her that I know the feeling. But I couldn't. That is, without a doubt because I since I came back from the island, I didn't dare to tell anybody about what had happened on the island, I didn't' t even tell her.

-Everything is okay, it's just me.

She looked through the room, and stopped when she saw the broken glass laying on the floor. Incomprehension and confusion. I could easily read those emotions from her face.

-Oliver, I am sorry. I..

-Later. We have time, I told her and gave her a smile.

She gave a small nod and a small smile. I hear Thea walk through the door and approaching us with a glass of water in her hand. She bend down in front of Felicity and gave her the glass. I let Felicity's hands go, she takes the glass in to trembling hands and brought it to her lips.

-Oliver, Thea interrupted, why don't you go find something to clean that up with? She said while looking at the shattered glass on the floor.

I wanted to reply that that will have to wait, but she didn't give me time;

-I will take care of her. Go!

I found Felicity's gaze, and she assured me that she could stay alone, already as ridiculous as is looked. She gave a weak nod, to reassure me. I stand up and, after looking at Felicity another time, I left the room.

Felicity's point of view:

I have always thought there are two types of dreams. The first, you dream, but you know you are dreaming, you know that everything that happens is either dream or nightmare, and it ends when you wake up. And there is the other type of dreaming. The one where you do not know that you are dreaming. The one where everything seems real: the place where you find yourself, the people and the things you feel, they are like reality. Last night was definitely the second category. Ever since I regained consciousness I couldn't remember what had happened; not the smallest of things. Except this night. It was like my memories decided to surface, all at the same time. The office. Isabel. Oliver. The three men who entered. The bullets flying through the room. Diggle. Oliver above me. Worried. And that pain that hit me again and again. Every time harder to ignore.

Standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror, I stare at my reflection. Bruises covered my body, from my chest to my side. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst? That was the scar that started to form on the place where the bullet entered my skin. It formed a sort of red sun around the bullet hole. Now I understand why Oliver didn't want me to see this. I touched my skin with my fingertips, and the pain hit me. And at that moment Oliver knocked on the door. I didn't have but vague memories from this night. I only remember waking up , sitting huddled in the corner of the room against the window. Glass splinters around the bed. And Oliver? He observed me with the same worried look in his eyes that he has every time I wake up. He guarded me for the rest of the night. The images from my dreams returned to me, at a moment, I pretended to sleep, and when I dared to open my eyes, I found him sleeping on the sofa he had put next to the bed. I observed him for a moment when Thea put her head through the door. She smiles at me, and enters discreetly to grab a blanket and tucked Oliver in. Just before she left the room, she said a couple of words to me. To be precise: 'He cares for you, you know'. I gave her a simple answer, a smile, instead of saying the truth, just because I have no idea how to respond to that. Saying her something like « I know » was not an option, just because then I would give away that he is important to me too.

-Felicity, is everything all right?

Chasing away my thoughts, I put the bathrobe around my chest and close it with a knot. I opened the door and saw Oliver. He stepped back to let me pass. I walked back to the room and he followed me and softly grabbed my arm and turned me around, so that I faced him. I blinked my eyes and thought about how to respond to that question. His hand uncovered the wound beneath my bathrobe. At that moment I curse myself for not putting the bandage on it. Well done Felicity… I couldn't wipe the grimace off my face when I felt the bathrobe touched the wound.

-Does it hurt? He simply asked

I don't know exactly what happened at that moment when he asked me that, but I just cracked. I grabbed my bathrobe, shrugged his hand off and at the same time turning to him.

-What is it you want me to say Oliver?! That it hurts? That is the case, okay? And I..

I turned back and walked to the room, turning my back to him. And at that moment I felt ridiculous, ridiculous to have reacted that way. He spent his nights guarding me and I was reacting.. like this.

-Oliver, I..I am sorry, I don't know what happened, I…

With two strides, he walked next to me and put a hand on my shoulder;

-Don't be. It's nothing.

I trembled a bit.A silence fell over us. Not the awkward silence, no. But the sort of silence when nobody knows what to say.

-How was it? I asked him. I mean, the day when…

I didn't need to continue. He knew very well what I wanted to know. I could see it in his eyes. He closed his eyes. Good. At least I wasn't the only one who wasn't at ease. Until this moment I hadn't thought about what he must have felt like. I saw him searching, without saying anything.

-Felicity, I don't believe this is the right moment to..

-Please. I need to know.

He turned his head to look to the side and if Diggle hadn't walked into the room, he would certainly have responded.

-Felicity!

Diggle walked to me, knelt down so that he was level with me, and put his arms around me with care.

-I am happy to see you! Happy to have you back in the team!

I smiled back at him and hugged him back with as much strength I could muster. When he let me go, he turned to Oliver.

-Oliver, Isabel Rochev called to remind you about the meeting.

-What meeting? He asked, with a tone of surprise in his voice.

-The one of this morning, the one where you have to be in thirty minutes.

Turning to face Oliver, I could hear him sigh. Because of that, I knew that the meeting wasn't one of his favorites.

-Cancel it, tell her…

-No! I interrupted. Oliver, you have to go! I am okay, sort of, and you have to be Oliver Queen, it doesn't matter if you want it or not. You can't let her win that easily. That is what's happening in this moment and nothing will change if you don't do something, so go.

-Felicity, you..

-It is not negotiable this time; I told him with a smile. There is no reason for me to have obligations and for him to have none.-Go!

-She is right Oliver, Diggle said

-Okay. I won't be long, he told me.

He left the room and gave me a look and I was pretty sure he murmured something to Diggle.

Sometimes you make bad decisions. But when you find out that it wasn't such a great idea, it's already too late. Much too late. When you are in a situation where you don't understand what you are doing. Oh well, I think that I deserve the prize for making bad decisions, at least today. When Diggle and Oliver left, I felt…strange. The manor was way too big for me alone. I needed to get outside, to do something and it didn't matter what. You know the cliché of the lost girl, the one that goes to a bar? Good. Now you know what my dumb decision was. Without understanding why I left, I found myself in a small bar. The people that where there stared at me. They must have been frequent visitors. They gave me a strange look and at that moment, a waiter approached me, holding a glass. I didn't even thank him but pulled the glass closer. I have to say, I rarely find myself in a situation like that. I wasn't the type of girl that grabbed a bottle of alcohol when something went wrong. No. But at this moment I didn't care about that. But as much as I wanted to forget what had happened, I felt like my memories had a sort of malice, they wanted to come to the surface. In the worst moments that is. Without thinking, I brought the glass to my lips and drenched it in one. Without looking to the people around me, I grabbed some money from my handbag and left it on the counter. I left the bar without looking back.

Going outside wasn't such a good idea. Going outside and drinking was even worse. But going outside to have a drink in the Glades won the prize of bad ideas. Without thinking I decided to walk through the streets that were still intact. Everything in this part of the city was destroyed. There was almost nothing there. Ruined houses, and others that were completely destroyed. The murders in this part of the city have multiplied since the explosion, and with that, the drugs and dealing too. While I walked through the streets I observed the people around me. I asked myself if doing what Diggle, Oliver and I were doing was still useful. Perhaps this city can't be saved after all. Perhaps we are fighting for a lost cause. And for the first time since I have started working for Oliver, I wonder why I helped him save what is left of this city.

Diggle's point of view:

I knew that leaving Felicity alone in the manor was a mistake. I had had to let Oliver leave in one of his expensive cars that stood in the garage. Instead of doing just that, I offered to accompany him. That must be to keep up pretences and continue to pretend that I was Oliver Queen's driver. I regretted the decision the moment I passed the doors of the manor. I understood immediately that there was something wrong. When I walked up the stairs, I felt that Felicity wasn't there. I walked through the entire manor, hoping to find her in one of the many rooms. But now I have to conclude that she isn't there. And the bad news? Oliver was almost home. He asked me to guard her. 'Keep an eye on her' were his exact words. I tried to call Felicity for hours, but I she didn't respond. I even went to Verdant to search her. Just in case if she wanted to go there. But she wasn't there. I think that she and Oliver have the same gift of being able to disappear immediately. Then, I heard Oliver's car drive up to the front gate, and I heard him open the large door. I descended the stairs and stood in the hall. I think my expression caught his attention because when he saw me, he immediately asked:

-Is everything okay? Where is Felicity?

I sighed before responding, feeling uncomfortable.

-I don't know where she is, Oliver.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the kudos/comments ! I hope you'll like this next chapter, let me know what you think :)

Chapter 6 :

Felicity's point of view:

Alcohol makes you do stupid and dangerous things. We don't say that enough. When the alcohol slowly left my body, I started to understand what I did and what I was still doing. Above all, even though I was perfectly aware that what I did was dangerous, I was still walking straight ahead, still in one of the deserted streets in the Glades. And the worst part of it was that I didn't even know why I went here in the first place or why I left the Queen mansion at all. Normally, walking through the Glades on my own wouldn't even cross my mind. I wasn't in a normal situation right now you would say to me and even before wasn't a normal situation. You're right. But the difference is that before, I'd never been wounded by a bullet and it definitely changes things.

At this moment, I knew why I decided to go here than somewhere else. It wasn't just that I needed a drink. The real reason was that I needed to feel something, something strong. I guess that when you walk through this neighborhood, you realize that your own situation isn't as bad as it seems. That is true. Okay, so why do I still have that feeling? Why do I still feel that mixture of fear, anger and inexplicable anxiousness? I don't have an answer to that.

While I was walking to the entrance of a small alleyway, I noticed that I wasn't alone. A couple of meters away from me was a group of guys, all about twenty years or so. They all had a bottle in their hands and probably something illegal hidden somewhere. Their glassy eyes all turned to me and I understood in which situation I was in now. Slowly, I started to turn around, then I heard one of them calling me, saying something like « Hey ! Come back here ! » Don't respond and keep on walking, I thought. Keep on walking Felicity, don't go back and everything will be okay.

So I walked to a road that joins with the alleyway, a safer road than the one I was in, well, if we can say that, because I suddenly felt an arm around my shoulders, pulling me back with strengh.. I didn't have time to fight back. I was about to cry out, but a hand was put over my mouth..

« Shhh »

I recognized Oliver's voice. I sighed, happy that it wasn't somebody else. I lowered my eyes.

\- It could have been one of them; he murmured in my ear, still resting his arm on my shoulder. That made me feel the pain again. I pressed my lips to stifle a cry.

-Oliver, you're hurting me, I said

-You think they would have care ? To hurt you ?

He let me go and I stepped away from him, my hand on my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye, I observed him. He looked to the ground, he seemed to try to process what just happened. When he saw me looking, all I saw was his anger. The kind of anger that takes you when you are really worried about somebody, and instead of being relieved of your worry, you are dominated by anger. Anger completely controls you.

-What were you thinking? The Glades?!

I don't know why I got angry myself. I don't know if I wass angry at him or at myself for my own stupidity. But with all of this happening, I was terribly annoyed and approached Oliver to face him.

-Oliver, I am not a child, I am an adult and responsible for the things I do. I can make decisions alone, I don't need your…consent!

I regret the words the moment I spoke. I was not fair with him. He spent entire nights beside my bed to guard me, to make sure I was all right and…I was actually doing that to him. Well done Felicity. Above all, I couldn't apologize to him, so I standed there, blinking. He walked to me.

-Felicity, I know how you feel, believe me, I know. But going here, on your own…If I hadn't installed a tracker on your phone I would have no idea where you went or what had happened to you! Again!

I looked down, still angry but also ashamed to have made him worry. Nobody has ever been that worried about me. Oliver said to me that it was time to leave and I followed him to the car without saying another word. When we were closer to the car, I could distinguish Diggle in the driver's seat of the limo. I didn't even think about calling him back. I would have to apologize for that too. Oliver opened the car door for me and closed it when I sit in the backseat. I didn't talk even though I wanted to say that I was sorry, sincerely sorry, for them to be worried about me.I just looked out of the window, at the road and buildings passing by. I didn't react, even though I noticed we were not taking the way back to the Queen mansion, but the road into the city.

-Oliver, where are we going?

« Trust me » was the only thing he said to me. I immediately understood. To tell you the truth, I knew it the moment I saw the Queen Consolidated building looming over us.

Oliver… I began, suddenly feeling an irrational panic settle over me. The air seemed to get heavier, preventing me from taking deep breaths.

Why are we going here? I asked him panicky as Diggle was parking the car in front of the gigantic building. When Diggle stopped the car, Oliver turned in the car seat to respond;

-Because you need it. I just ask you to trust me.

I trusted him. But at the moment, it wasn't about trust. It was about me, that building and the growing panic inside me. I saw Oliver get out of the car and, with a couple of steps, he was at my side of the car and was already opening the door.

-Get out of the car, he told me with a softer voice than before. He has calmed down. But I haven't.

-No, I responded coldly.

-Felicity, get out. Please.

Diggle was observing us now and he didn't say anything. I send him a pleading look, as I felt the tears in my eyes, I couldn't hold them back.

Diggle, I said to him.. Please. I don't want to do this, I…

Diggle only gave me a small smile without going against Oliver. Without a thought, I slided, like a child ,over the leather backseat of the car. I crossed my arms over my chest. I closed my eyes to make sure mine don't cross Oliver's. When he understood that I won't set a foot outside of the car, he leaned over to me, put his hands around my middle and carried me out of the car without the least bit of effort.

Blocked by his arms, I tried in vain to get out, feeling the tears on my cheeks. I felt imprisoned between the car and Oliver's body and felt the panic taking me over. Oliver took my face in his hands and wipes away my tears.

-Felicity, I am doing this for you, do you hear me? For you and nobody else!

Putting his hand around my waist, he guided me to the entrance of the building under the watching eye of the bystanders, who were watching us. Diggle get out of the limousine and gave us a worried look. He started to follow us but Oliver stopped him with a motion of his hand, pointing in his direction;

-Stay in the car!

Oliver opened the door of the building and guided me inside first, before following me. When we were through the door, I turned to him and put my hands on his chest to stop him. Last chance to convince him to not do this.

-Oliver, please. I can't do this, take me home.

He took my hands in his, squeezing more than necessary.

-It's gonna be okay, you understand? I'm here with you. It's gonna be okay, he repeated to himself.

Despite my objections, he put his arm around my waist-again- and guided me to the elevator. The ascend to the 18th floor seemed like eternity to me. Hidden in the corner of the elevator, behind Oliver, I continued hoping that he will decide to go downstairs again and taking me home. I felt my heart beating in my chest, unable to control it. But that wasn't the worst thing. The worst? That was that we were heading in the direction of the place I didn't want to go. The conference room.

Time seemed to stop. Nothing has changed here but the red-white band put there by the police that denied access to anybody. Oliver removed it and walked into the room. He turned to me and guided me forward. I tried to refuse to approach. Without any success of course. His arm was exercising a pressure way to big for me. And my tears didn't change a thing. When I was back in that place again, I could see everything happening in front of my eyes again. Oliver, Diggle ,Isabel and I around the big table which is completely destroyed today, still covered in shards of glass and riddled with bullet holes. I saw the Hoods again, wearing costumes almost identical to Oliver's. They entered the room, weapons in hand and they opened fire. I trembled in Oliver's arms and he pulled his arm around my shoulders. I looked at the window in front of us, the one Oliver and I…jumped through. The window frame still empty. I couldn't walk closer. I closed my eyes and stepped back. I didn't want to relive this. I wanted him to take me away. Right now. Leaving the building.

But I didn't count on Oliver. He had no intention to leave. The contrary.

-I still have one thing to show you.

When we arrived one floor lower, I knew that the conference room was child's play in comparison to this. Because a lot happened here too. In the room where Oliver and I jumped inside, the one where we fell through the window. Oliver let me stay behind him and I walked a couple of paces into the room.

-Why did you bring me here? I almost yell at him, trembling all over.

-You asked me to tell you what happened. That's what I'm doing.

He let me go and walked a couple of paces through the room. Walking to the window and between the shards of glass that were still there. Between them, there was blood. A lot of blood. Mine. Oliver pointed at the floor.

-We are here when I realize that…that you were hit. You who told me that. You called me and when I returned I started to notice the blood trickling down your coat.

I put my hands on my ears, refusing to listen.

-I don't want to hear it, Oliver. I want you to take me home immediately!

In two steps, he stood next to me, one finger under my chin, tilting my head up and forcing me to look at him. Ignoring my plea, he continues;

-I forced you to lie down and I started to press the wound. I tried to reassure you, I kept telling you that everything was okay, but you lost consciousness because of the amount of blood you lost. You lost too much blood and I didn't know what to do to help you. So I called Diggle.

\- Stop! I cried and I pushed myself away from him.

I called Diggle and I asked him to get the car. We brought you to the hospital as quickly as possible. You lost consciousness before we arrived there. Your heart stopped twice and I…I don't want to relive that again, do you hear me ? I really didn't want to hurt you, not like this. But Felicity, it wasn't your fault and you are safe now!

At the moment I heard Oliver talking, everything came back to me. The shooting, Oliver jumping through the window with me, entering the office two floors below, and the pain. I can't give you a definition of a moment like that. I don't remember the impact itself, but the pain I felt. I remembered the feeling of something hot and wet dripping out of my chest. Oliver's hand pressing on my chest, with a worried look on his face. I closed my eyes and felt my breathing become ragged and halting. I let myself fall to the floor, feeling powerless and this time, I couldn't stop the tears. I remained there for a couple of seconds, and I didn't hear Oliver approach me.

-Come here, he murmured as he was pulling me against him. It will be okay, I promise, he added and pulled me closer to him.


	7. Chapter 7

Felicity's point of view:

There are certain people in your life who can reassure you. It doesn't matter what happened, they just can do it.. It doesn't matter how you feel, it doesn't matter if you feel stressed, completely overwhelmed by the things that happened or if you just need to be reassured because of, well... whatever the reason is, they just know exactly how to calm you down. And sometimes it's enough if they just put their hand on your shoulder and at that moment, all your worries just disappear. That is exactly what happened with Oliver when he held me in his arms when we both sat on the cold floor of Queen Consolidated, I let all the fear that I had felt for the last days escape.

I held him at that moment like he was a rock, my only rescue. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes without breaking the silence that had fallen over us. My hand grabbed his jacket and I let him hold me tight in his arms and at the same time I could hear him murmuring in my ear that everything will be all right. When I stopped trembling and my tears dried, I raised my head to Oliver and gave him a small smile, either to thank him or to convince him that I was okay, I don't really know which one of the two it was.

Entering this building has been the most difficult thing I have done in a long time. All the missions that put me in danger, either Oliver or me, was child's play in comparison. To be honest, nobody goes back to a place that makes them remember terrible things. Why? Because you don't want to think about that, because you don't want to relive that. Most of the time you will make sure you evade this situation for the simple and good reason that you feel the need to protect yourself. In my case, I didn't have a choice. They didn't give me the choice. And I do not know if I should detest them or hate them for doing this.

After helping me up and of course taking care not to hurt me more than I already was, Oliver guided me outside of the Queen Consolidated building, one hand around my shoulder. He didn't even shift when we walked through the group of people who had gathered in front of the building to get to the long limousine that was parked out front. When we approached the car, Diggle, -who had been standing with his back against the car- already walked over to open the car door. He shot me a worried look and I gave him a reassuring smile. I think my eyes were red and probably puffy and they definitely didn't help me convince him that I was fine. He didn't say anything about it, though. When he sat in the shotgun-seat, Oliver asked Diggle to return to the mansion. I opposed against that.

« Bring me to my home, please. I'm fine ». I said

When he turned toward me, I could see him hesitate for a couple of seconds and at the same time I saw him observing me. I smiled at him as a response and he gave in. And I was glad he did. The mansion made me feel nervous because there are so many rooms there. I was also not used to living in a place that grand, and now you will tell me that as far as I know I have never been a millionaire… And even though I knew Oliver would be in the same house as me, I didn't feel comfortable there. And above all else, I really wanted to go home and get back to the things I recognized as home.

Diggle parked the car in a small street that was perpendicular to mine. When I took a step outside of the car, I could feel Oliver following me, he apparently decided to walk me to my apartment, I knew that without looking behind me. Diggle got out of the car and gave us the sign that he'll follow us later, as he was hanging up his phone.

Pushing open the door to my apartment and entering felt a bit strange. Of course nothing has changed, everything exactly the same as I left it the day…it happened. The bed still unmade, the dishes piled up on the counter but I still felt like I hadn't been here for a long time. Long enough to make it all seem strange, unknown. With a nod, I invited Oliver in and let the door open in case Diggle wanted to enter. I tried to remove my cardigan and grimaced. I felt Oliver's hands on my shoulder to help me. I thanked him with a nod. He dropped my cardigan on the couch, turned to me and pointed to my shoulder.

« I'll help you. Your bandage needs to be changed »

« You have done enough for me Oliver, I will do this myself » I replied.

« And you have done enough for me already. Let me help you. »

I nodded as a response. I knew that fighting against Oliver was a lost battle before you even started it. And above all, I knew very well that pretending that I could change my bandage myself was a grave mistake. I walked to my bathroom, Oliver behind me. While entering, I made sure I couldn't see my own reflection in the mirror. Imagining what I must look like was enough and it was no use seeing that vision confirmed. I turned toward Oliver and he gestured that I should take a seat on the edge of the bath. « Remove your shirt » he simply told me.

« Do you have a compress or something ? » He asked me as I was sitting on the edge of the bath.

I nodded and gestured toward a small cabinet beside the mirror. Grimacing, I tried to remove the way to big shirt. It was the only one I could find in the Queen mansion. I heard Oliver going through the cabinet and I didn't count on the fact that he would find what he was looking for. I saw him approach me and I didn't need to look up to know that he was observing me. I tried not to let him know that I knew and continued to get my shoulder out of my shirt. He wasn't fooled and I felt him coming up to me. He put the compress on the edge of the bathtub and I risked raising my head to look him in the eye. He gave me a smile.

« Put your arms up, I'll help you »

I hesitated a couple of seconds but I gave up and put my arms in the air, lifting them up as far as possible but stopped when I felt the pain again. I felt Oliver's hands on my skin when he grabbed the shirt to slip it over my head. How many times did I imagine this sort of situation exactly? Uncountable times, it must be, but in my imagination, I didn't have to get a bullet in my shoulder to have him take my shirt off. When I realized what I was thinking, I felt my cheeks redden and prayed that Oliver wouldn't notice. I looked up to cross his gaze, but he was focused on disposing the shirt on the sink. He was evading my eyes. Good. At least we both felt embarrassed. When he turned to me once again, he had a bottle of disinfectant in one hand and a cotton towel in the other. I crossed my arms over my chest out of modesty and I observed Oliver's hand coming closer to my shoulder. Without saying a word, he started to lower the strap of my bra to get easier access to my shoulder, I think. I didn't move and let him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him remove the old bandage, he was focusing on the task so he wouldn't hurt me.

« This will hurt a bit » he warned me before he put the cotton towel- which was now drenched in alcohol- on my shoulder. I grimaced and gritted my teeth, waiting for the pain to go away.

« Thanks », I murmured as he was applying a new compress on my shoulder.

« Why? Because I hurt you by putting alcohol in your wound? » He said with a small smile.

« No », I responded and smiled too. « For everything. For being there for me when I need you. I am foolhardy and… stupid, but you are there for me, helping me. Again. So thanks. »

« I'll be there as long as you need me, Felicity. » he simply replied.

I blinked, a bit embarrassed by his reply. I thought about the gunfire and all the other dangers that we have faced in our mission to save this city. I know that, maybe one day, things will be different. I have been lucky, each time. But that might change one day and I gave that a lot of thought today. I felt my body start to tremble of the thought. I raised my eyes to Oliver, who looked really worried and I asked him:

« You may not be able to do it every time. What has happened the day you are not able to do it? You said it yourself, we live dangers, each and every day and… »

He stopped me before I could say what might happen. Kneeling in front of me, he took my face in his hands and looked at me with that look in his eyes that only he could give me, his face just centimeters from mine.

« I will be there »

« What if you are not? »

« I will be there » he repeated. « Whatever happens, I will be there. »

I believe that neither one of us really understood what happened next. My eyes fixed on his, I could almost read in his eyes what he was thinking. I could almost read the determination in his eyes and I knew he wasn't lying. He will be there, whatever happens. Then, I knew that I could count on him, whatever the circumstances and at that moment I was certain I made the good decision to not take him to the hospital on that one day he felt he could trust me enough to show me who he really was. I felt his thumb stroking my cheek and I saw the way his face come closer to mine. I didn't do anything to stop him and I believe that, at that moment, neither one of us really understood what was happening.


	8. Chapter 8

I think none of us really understood what happened next. My eyes were fixed on his, in them, I could almost read what he was thinking and I could almost read the determination in those eyes and I knew he wasn't lying. He would be there, whatever the case. So I knew that I could count on him, whatever the circumstances and I was certain that the moment I decided not to reveal his secret and taking him to the hospital that day that he trusted me enough to show me who he really was. I feel Oliver's thumb stroking my cheek and I see his face come closer to mine. I didn't do anything to block him and I knew that at that moment, none of us really knew what was happening.

Reason would have wanted me to turn my regard ,that I turned at that exact moment. Reason would also imply that I would think about this for a quart of a second about what I was doing, about what we were doing, about the consequences we would face later on our relationship. And why not think about the simple cliché of the CEO's personal assistant who falls in love with her boss and ends up kissing him in her own apartment. I probably should have thought about all that, but to tell you the truth, that didn't even cross my mind. Why? Because I didn't care. And less important were the feelings that I tried to ignore for months. I observed the way his face comes closer to mine, the way he stopped for a few seconds, as if he was asking my permission, and I think that the simple fact that I didn't move was enough to convince him to continue. I didn't close my eyes before I felt his lips touch mine and I let out a small sigh. His hand softly inched over my back to my neck where his hands found my hair. As a response, I let my hand fall on the top of his shoulder and press my lips against his.

I was probably waiting for that moment, that moment where Oliver would push me backward and tell me that he never wanted that, and I end up doing that and mutter something unintelligible and getting red cheeks at the same moment, but certainly not because of the surprise I felt when I heard someone clear his throat so loudly it was heard through the entire room. At that moment, I wasn't sure what made me more uncomfortable: the fact that Oliver and I were disturbed or the fact that Diggle was the person who surprised us. It resulted in me feeling incredibly uncomfortable toward both Oliver and Diggle. At the moment Diggle cleared his throat, I stepped away from Oliver, like a kid does when he is caught doing something naughty.

Is everything okay? Diggle asked me, with, I am certain of it, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. I didn't even have to turn my head to be certain that it was the fact. I was way too busy trying to focus on what happened and trying not to blush. I heard Oliver respond as if it was the most normal situation in the world that he just helped me change my bandage, that that was done and that they should go to the mansion. Diggle responded to that with an amused hmmm and thank God he didn't search for other explanations. Well, when I say explanations, he probably didn't need one. For now. Replying with a thanks for everything before they walk out of the door seemed..inappropriate, so I decided to say that I would see them at work tomorrow and to my great surprise, Oliver didn't try to oppose. The moment they walked out, I let myself sigh a sigh of relief against the back of my door, happy they left, but also thinking of tomorrow and how the events of this evening can change things between us.

The weeks after that evening were strange. Neither Oliver nor I have talked about what happened and I don't really know if I should be reassured he didn't say a thing about it or of I should be worried… Okay, I also evaded the subject and to be perfectly honest, I have done everything to ensure we didn't talk about it. I made sure to always be in Diggle's company when we met up with Oliver, and when we were in a situation that I might see him alone, I made sure to take precautions. For example: taking the stairs instead of the lift when we were at Queen Consolidated. That type of precautions. And thank God, my shoulder started to heal so I didn't need to call Oliver when I needed help with my bandage. And even if that were the case, I probably wouldn't have called anyway.

I think that Oliver's behavior last days had to do with this. I should have understood earlier that something wasn't okay than the evening he was content with responding with a fine when I asked him how his evening went, the moment he descended the stairs of the lair. Oliver Queen never says fine for the simple reason that when one mission was finished, another started. Things have always worked like that and will work like that when Oliver continues to wear his costume.

The truth is that I was happy to go home when Oliver said to both of us that it was time to return home. The last couple of weeks were very difficult for all of us. Our days are basically working for Queen Consolidated by day and saving this city by night. And to tell the truth, I can't remember the last time I slept for more than four hours. That is exactly the reason why I accepted to go home when Oliver said it. I love the idea of sitting on my couch, a cup in hand, a blanket spread over me and watching whatever on television. I said good night at both Oliver and Diggle before leaving the lair. I didn't think twice about that. First mistake.

Later on, I tell myself that I couldn't have known what he thought at that moment. But I should have known. That evening. Not now, in his officeat Queen Consolidated. Because now, things seemed even more difficult than before.

I had never received a message like this before, it is one from Diggle, sent when I was still at home. A message that said that Oliver wanted to see me in his office NOW. The first thing that crossed my mind was that something had happened and that I had to do this. That, and nothing else. The idea that Oliver wanted to see me alone didn't even cross my mind. Because he wouldn't do that like this and not at the office. He would have come to my place or he would have waited until we were alone to talk about something..personal.

I didn't even take the time to put my things on my desk but directly walked toward Oliver's office. Diggle waited by the door and opened it the moment I walked toward him. He gave me a small smile and I knew that that must mean something.

« -What happened? » I asked Oliver in a small voice, suddenly nervous.

While waiting for his response, I observe him. He sat straight in his chair and his eyes never left me. And to be honest, I didn't like what I saw in his eyes, because what I saw in front of me was nothing like Oliver Queen, and even less like the Oliver Queen I knew. I stand in front of his desk, a meter from him, with my arms crossed. I am very uncomfortable. Something was definitely not okay. He gestures for Diggle to close the door and waits until it was closed to tell me why I was here.

« Felicity, it is not necessary that you come this evening »

I looked at him in surprise. Not going to the lair this evening? I was even more surprised and…worried now. Oliver never leaves his hood because there are always dangers to face. And at this moment, there were enough dangers to face. It was always there and nothing would change about that.

« Okay » I responded after a moment of silence. « And I think you are right, I want to say, we are all tired and need to sleep more than … »

« You don't understand. I don't want you to come back. Not this evening and..not the others. It was a mistake and I don't want you to come back »

I looked at him without being capable to say anything for the first few minutes. I didn't understand. I didn't understand what was happening exactly. I searched in vain for something I had done, for something he disapproved of in my work but I couldn't think of anything. I had never made big mistakes and I always followed his instructions. At least, if you don't count that one evening in my apartment. I immediately put away that idea because it is completely ridiculous, isn't it? Yes. With the last bit of courage I had in me, I looked up and looked him straight in the eye. He had that look in his eyes that means he didn't intend rethink his decision. He started to talk again, because I didn't.

« You continue to work here, you get your old job back and I will have Diggle bring you the stuff you left in the lair »

I couldn't believe it. It was...impossible. Not after months of working for it. I had to respond somehow and I didn't care if Diggle was still there or not.

« Oliver, if this is because what happened that evening, I… »

Felicity, he interrupted me before I had time to finish my sentence, it is not negotiable.

The situation was …stupid and my reaction too.

-Are you...firing me ?

I saw him sigh before he started to get up to walk me to the door, trying to evade me as much as possible.

-Don't make things more complicated than they already are…please


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)
> 
> Here we go, next chapter :) Please, let me know what you think :) And thank you for the kudos :)

« Are you…are you firing me? »

I saw him sigh before he got up and walked toward the door, clearly evading me.

« Don't make things more complicated than they already are..please »

« Don't make things more complicated than they already are' » His words echoed in my head, again and again up until the moment Oliver took hold of the door from his office, in a silent invitation for me to leave. When the surprise faded away, when I forced myself to understand what was happening, I didn't know how to react to this. To be more precise, I didn't know if I had to laugh or cry right now. If I tried in vain, to understand, I had to react immediately. And I prefered to react before I was literally thrown out. Afer that, it would be too late to try to say something about a thing I was about 99.9% certain my words won't change.

Just his regard was enough to make me understand. It was the type of look I knew that meant: 'whatever you say, my decision is made and I don't have the slightest intention come back at it'. That type was the one he gave me. I wanted to respond with a simple 'why?' but he didn't let me.

« Go home Felicity »

I coudn't help the nervous giggle from escaping my throat.

« No Oliver. No 'go home Felicity' I want none of it. I want to know what's happening. The fact that you don't want to see me again is one thing, but to understand the reason behind is another. If you…if you want to say something, say it. »

For one second, I sincerely thought he was going to respond to my question. And I didn't really care if it was something I would like or not. It would always be better than this. Because he ended up not saying anything at all while evading my eyes. Even looking him in the eye would give me a bit of… hope, I guess. Because that might mean something else. That might mean that he regrets it. Or perhaps that would support the theory I have in my head already: that everything was just a misunderstanding and that the real reason was something else. But no. He didn't let anything shine through. He only had a cold look on his face. And nothing else.

« Escort her out, Diggle »

Getting one of his arrows in my heart would without a doubt hurt less than this. Just the way he said that one phrase. I felt Diggle walking toward me and I didn't object to him putting his hand on my arm and softly pushing me toward the exit. I wondered if he knew what just happened to me. He might. But why didn't he help me, but instead chose to obey Oliver's orders without questioning? I understodd him the moment I looked away from Oliver and see that a couple of employees walking through the corridors are looking at us already. I triedto get out of Diggle's grasp, but his fingers were secured around my arm and we were walking toward the elevator. I kept silent until the doors closed behind me.

« Digg, I have to go back up there. Just to understand it »

« You can't do anything about it today »

He was right and I knew it. Getting back up there to see Oliver would be a mistake. For a lot of reasons. And the very first of them was that I didn't know how I will react. That would probably consist of one of those situations in which I talk in long phrases without logic.

« I'll talk to him, I promise » Diggle said at the same time we get out of the elevator and walked through the parking garage. I gave him a watery smile and nodded.

« Go home, I will call you »

I thank him with a nod and get in my car before driving out of the parking lot. I don't know if I am the only person who thinks that but once something starts bad, it hasn't got the slightest chance of ending good. No, on the contrary. It will only get worse. And that is what happened this day. In a nutshell, I got up too late, I wasn't even entirely awake the moment I started driving to work and found out, in less than an hour after that, that I didn't have a job anymore.

While driving out of the parking lot with Diggle's watching eye on me, I said to myself that this day couldn't get worse because the worst already happened, but no. It didn't work that way. On the way to my apartment, I drove into a couple of traffic jams, and after that, I was certain I would end up on the side of the road with a car breakdown. Thank God, that didn't happen. And now. eh? Now, after driving for thrice the normal amount of time I usually use to get home, I foundd my apartment without electricity. Stupid, yeah, maybe. Usually I would, without a doubt, make a couple of phone calls to have an electrician come over, because I need electricity to use my computer. But today, I just busied myself with waiting for everything to be okay again. I was way to exhausted to do anything else today.

To be honest, I only waited for one thing. For Diggle to call me. He said he would talk to Oliver and that he would point out the big mistake in this situation. He had to have an explanation. But that didn't happen and I was certain that wouldn't happen till the evening. But then, I heard someone knocking on my door. To say I wasn't really dressed to open the door would be an euphemism. I decided to wear, instead of my usual Queen Consolidated work dresses, an old T-shirt and a pair of workout pants that really had seen better times.

Diggle gave me a small smile when he saw what I looked like the moment I opened the door, but he didn't comment. I saw Diggle looking at my entirely dark apartment.

« I don't have electricity », I said to him when he stepped inside.

« Where is your circuit breaker? »

« In the bathroom…Why? »

Without responding Diggle walked toward the bathroom and carefully selected one of the plugs that lied on the table. I could hear a clic and the electricity returned. Diggle reappeared, a smile on his lips.

« Capable of hacking into whatever system, but unable to get the electricity back on! Nothing is broken, it was just out of place. »

Yes. 'Out of place' is the precise word to describe this day.

« I studied IT, John, not to become an electrician »

I didn't have the time to ask him if he talked to Oliver. To be exact, I didn't have to because the look I gave him was certainly enough for him to understand.

« I have not yet talked to him, Felicity. I came by to..to see how you were doing. »

« How do you think I am doing? I said to him, colder than I wanted it to sound. « Something happened Digg. I can't believe…I can't believe that he decided to…fire me without reason. You must know what happened »

Digg shrugged and forced me to face him before giving me a smile.

« I will. I promised I will talk to him »

I returned the smile before stepping away.

« I know, but in case you forgot it » I started to say and at the same time I walked through my apartment toward my desk and grabbed a small object from a drawer that I don't show Digg.

« What is that? »

« A Plan C' »I said and show him the object.

Diggle followed my gesture and his eyes locked on the object before looking up.

« Felicity, if that is what I think it is, it is a bad… »

« A bad idea, I know. But something is happening, something Oliver didn't tell us about. And I have to know what it is so… In my hypotheses, Oliver didn't tell you anything… »

« Do you know what happens if he finds out? »

« He will blame me, but by blaming me, it gives him a reason to talk to me, 'right? »

Diggle sighed, but I didn't doubt for one second that he would do what I 's attitude surprised me, but he has a bit more experience with his reactions.

« You just have to put it near the computers. It registers everything. All the search and all the search terms he uses, and I can know...'

-'You can know everything about the next mission, and with a bit of luck, you can know everything that happens. »

Believe me when I say that I didn't want to involve Diggle in all of this. I didn't want to put him between me and Oliver anymore than making him go behind Oliver's back. But I didn't know another solution. I didn't need to go to Verdant to know Oliver changed the entrance code, and I couldn't do this alone.

« I know you don't like it but there is no other option, John. Please. »

« Okay » he ended up saying and sighed again. « But first, I'll talk to him »

I accepted his compromise without objection. I still hoped Oliver van give Digg an explanation. I wondered if it is personal or not and to be honest I wondered if Diggle knew what this is about. After John left, I spend most of the night thinking. Thinking about the options we had. And there are three: The first one is trusting that Diggle will get Oliver to open up to him. The second consists of, more or less, tracing Oliver's every movement. And the third… Let's just say it is an addition to option 1 and I that I will have access to option three in just a couple of hours.

That is exactly why I wasd back in the elevator at Queen Consolidated at 9 sharp, to go to Oliver's office. The moment I arrived, I saw an unknown man at his desk, without a doubt for a meeting, and I saw Diggle in the corner, beside the door. I softly knocked on the glass of the door, but hard enough to get Oliver's attention, and I entered the room without waiting for his permission.

« Mr. Queen, I am sorry to disturb you but I just want to give you some information », I said and walked up to his desk and of course, make sure to smile at the other man and evade Diggle's eyes.

« The only thing I can say is that Oliver probably didn't expect me to walk into his office today, and even less during a meeting. He shifted in his chair and looked me in the eye, for the first time since I entered.

« Excuse me » he said to the man in front of him before turning his attention to me. « What is it about? » he asked me and cleared his throat.

I walked toward his desk and searched through my handbag before taking out a paper and handing it to him.

« I quit. »I simply declared

Saying those words is way more difficult than I would have thought because I didn't want to say them and I never thought I would. Not to Oliver Queen. I didn't want to, not because I liked this job, but because I wanted to make him think he is nothing important to me. But if these words can get a reaction out of Oliver, then I will do it. Doesn't matter how I feel about it.

Oliver looked at me for a second and I'm incapable of telling you how many seconds passed before he broke the contact.

« Mr. Diggle, would you accompany Miss Smoak to the exit? »

Diggle walked toward me but I looked at Oliver for one last time before uttering a couple words.

« That won't be necessary Mr Queen. I know the way »

….

Diggle's point of view:

I had been observing Oliver for 30 minutes now and he had notsaid a single word. Not about firing Felicity, neither about Felicity walking into the office. My arms crossed, I looked at him punching a punch bag beside the mats. He evaded my look and totally ignored my presence. I didn't want to break the silence but I ended up doing it.

« Are you going to tell me what happened? Or are you going to keep pretending I am not here? »

He gave me a look before turning to me. I threw him a bottle of water which he caught and drank a couple of mouthfuls from, all before responding.

« There is nothing to explain Digg »

« Nothing to explain? Hmmm. You must be right. You fired Felicity, you don't even want to know her news and when she tells you she quits, you do nothing. Not a single gesture. But is is a fact, there is nothing to explain about that »

Instead of responding, he gave me an irritated look. This conversation doesn't go well.

« I did that because it is better like this »

« Why don't you tell me what really happened, hmm? »

« Nothing happened! I did this because I don't want to endanger her anymore. Have you forgotten how bad she was doing last time, and that can just as easily happen again. »

« That's her decision, not yours Oliver. She knows what she is doing and she decided to become part of the team. She did that for you. To help you »

« And that is the only reason why I am returning the favor! »

Oliver walked around me to get a towel. He lied to her for a reason. Again. But when Oliver walked toward the bathroom, I stopped him with a question, my last card.

« If you want to help her, if you want to.. protect her by putting her out of your life, why did you kiss her? »

I saw Oliver's fist flexed for a moment and I couldn't help but think he will hit me. But he didn't.

« If my decisions are not to your liking, the door is open for you to leave too »

That is the last thing he said to me before walking into the bathroom an closing the door behind him. This discussion was closed. I waited for a few seconds and I heard the water running. I bring out the small object Felicity has given me and I looked at it for a while. I hate being in this position. Loyalty, honesty and trust are things I have always respected and I expect that respect back. Now I felt like betraying one of these values. After looking at the bathroom door, I walked to the computers and placed the tracker, following Felicity's instructions.


End file.
